Lampes Lumps

whew!

Long time no post ~ all for good reason, life has been a whirl wind and not so much in a good way! Let's start with my fun Mother stories! So my mother had been wearing these really really short robes and I'm sure your like so what's wrong with that? well what's wrong is she's naked under those short robes! So as you can imagine the anger was building and building with each day the naked short robe appeared until one day I get home from a crappy day at work and my mother is smoking out the back door (yes, in the naked robe) and the children and I are all in the kitchen when I announce "look kids grandma is in her giblet robe" My son (who's 15) say's "Mom what's a giblet robe?" I said "well if your Grandma bends over you'll see her giblets!" my daughter had no clue but my son was obviously disgusted. My mother said nothing and when and changed robes. So then a bit later I took a friday off to head to camp early with my girl scouts when mom came up stairs in her pj' s and said her dogs had peed on her robes so she wore my sons sweatshirt jacket outside on the back porch to smoke, keep in mind the jacket was waist length. So I am washing up some dishes and have a full view of her on my back porch and as I'm washing I'm praying (shock I know) that my neighbors do not come outside and see her in her shorty shorts pj's, these things are so short if she walked her "giblets" might be seen! So I say nothing and when I get to camp (my co-leader is my neighbor) I start to tell the "giblet" story and  my neighbor says "oh, yeah my husband came in one day and said I saw Tracie's mom outside in her robe and I don't think she was wearing anything underneath" her response was "no Wade, I'm sure she had pj's on under" to which I bust out laughing and said "Becky, she was indeed naked under that robe!" ~ oh the horror! so I am now stewing in "giblet" juice all weekend so when I got home from camp on Sunday that was the first thing I told my mom that she needed to wear more approiate pj's and robes and that the neighbors noticed her lack of attire! so she wigged out and I then had to remind her who's house it really was, then she went on "so I can't wear my shorty shorts this summer" I said "no, you can't" and she said so "I can't lay out in the backyard and tan?" I said "no, you can't the three mother's here (my neighbors and I) don't ever lay out so our children are not use to 1/2 naked women running around the backyard so again "NO" and really who wants to see a 64 year old women in her bikini ??? Don't get me wrong she looks great for her age but she still has 64 year old skin and that skin is wrinkled and sagging! Also know that while I was growing up these things were never an issue she never wore shorty shorts, giblet robes and giblet pj's so as you can imagine it's a change for me! here is a picture of the giblet robe, I had to act like I was taking a picture of the dogs!!!!!!!!!!!

scrappy Blanket

  I'll tell you some of my mother crap before I show you the scrappy blanket! I am ok writing about her on the internet because she can't figure out how to go online! She bought a laptop and had the geek quad come out and hook everything up, wireless mind you and for a year couldn't figure it out after several of us tried to show her so my son got the laptop for his birthday last year! Well my mother for those of you don't know tried to take her life awhile back and called me to say good bye, well this will be her 3rd attempt and the 1st time calling one of  her children to say good bye. Of course my brother is none to happy that she didn't feel the need to call him, which is a whole other story in itself! So I get her thru that and move her into my house , get her set up with counseling and a social worker to help her with her Medicare and social security, mom is 64. However she tells me that she's not an alcoholic (all of her relationships have come to an end because of her drinking and she was wasted when she tried to take her life everytime!) that she drinks because she's depressed~ WTF. So she's not drinking however she seems to put away a 6 pack of o'doules, to me that seems like she is just tricking herself because she never drank beer before so in her mind she knows the taste of beer and that it has alcoholic. She claims she is tired of drinking coffee and wants something else to drink~ for god sakes lady when was the last time you were in a grocery store? they have so many different things to drink that it's crazy!!!! Now for her clothes~ that women has more clothes that she could ever wear and I'm not just saying that it really is unbelievable, and today I call her and she's out buy more! Oh yeah, she still goes out to the bar every weekend and I had asked her to watch my kids so my hubby and I could go out for our 10 year anniversary and she said ok but the week before I reminded her and she asked if someone else could because she had plans! Don't worry there's more but that will be all for now~ I am sure most of you don't have a crazy mom like mind so thank your lucky stars!

So I have all these leftover balls of yarn, some store bought and some that I spun so there is this blanket pattern from stitch diva http://www.stitchdiva.com/ProductInfo.aspx?productid=SDS-039  so I whipped this up, it's not very big I just thought it would be good for a lap blanket.

lot's of Crap swirling in my head!

I have so much to spit out but I always want to show you some pictures to back it up and when I get ready to spew I realize the pictures are at work, which right now it crazy busy not leaving me time to mess around~ which is fair!

So I decided that I want to make my own items~ to 1) save some money & 2) feeling that it's just the better way to go with all the stuff pumped into products that are unnecessary. Don't get me wrong I am not so green, I really want to be one of those people but I am not even close but I am going to give it an old college try! I think too with making my own products steamed from my nephew who is autistic and is allergic to everything~ I thought the things I am whipping up would be good for him too! So I finally made my own laundry soap! Only 3 ingredients~ felps soap, washing soda & borax~ just grate the soap and mix a 1/2 cup of each and use only 1Tb in your wash or 2Tb for a real dirty load (sounds dirty huh?) so guess what everyone is getting for Christmas? yep you guessed laundry soap made by me with a fancy label:) Then I have been using dry sheets because my little liquid softener dispenser broke and then we got tight on moola so I switched to target brand and only 1 sheet per load BUT I read somewhere (I wish I could give credit but I can't remember where I read it!) that you can cut up fabric squares and put your liquid softener in a spray bottle then squirt about 6 sprays on a square and throw it in the dryer~ this is said to last a very long time and when the liquid softener builds up on the fabric just wash them~ so that is already in the works too! Now here's the best part ~ I don't do my own laundry! My mother moved in and that is her one job in the house and let me tell you I never have had all my clothes clean! and that lady can fold clothes like a mother F**** I don't think she knows what a hanger is cuz my whole dresser is covered with clothes! I have more mom stories that are to come! but I have now forced my ways on her! I found the recipe for the laundry soap on instructables.com and if you haven't been there yet go cuz it is the bomb you can find out how to make all kinds of crap!

Mom's moved in!

Well now I have my Mother living we us ~ had to kick my Dad out so my Mom could move in! Now don't think I kicked him out with no place to go, he has been staying with someon for the last 5 months and comin home only a handfull of times! So needless to say it's been a bit stressful, my dad was easy he would just stay in his room not to be seen until he was called up for dinner or he would be at the pub most nights, with my hubby in tow BUT with Mom she' s all up in our business all the time but we are adjusting and she does do all our laundry so that's good and I now she is safe and ok! Oh the whole reason for the post is of course centered around a pictures of our Moosie! Mom came with her 2 dogs which both are females and one is the sister to my Tinker Bell but now Moosie is a pimp with his ladies! His motto "Slap a Bitch" keeping your pimp hand strong!

Finished!

We all have tons of projects that we want to do but some how we never have the time! well when I went to Vegas in Jan I finally did one of those projects and now today looking at the pictures I noticed I used the same color yarn that the pattern pictures used! Unplanned! Keep in mind this is my first attempt at a cable stitch! I no longer have these hand warmers as my daughter has taken them from me and is calling them hers! Here's the link to the  pattern so you can whip yourself up a pair, they really do whip up quickly! http://knitty.com/ISSUEsummer06/index.html

More Useless Facts!

Pomology is the study of fruit.

Tomatoes AND Cucumbers are fruits.

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient for waking you up in the morning.

Bananas do not grown on trees but on rhizomes.

Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.

Cranberry jelly is the only jelly flavor that comes from the real fruit, not artificial flavoring.

Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.

Lemons contain more sugar than strawberries.

Bloom'n Tea

Sorry I've been away~ Family drama which has left my Mind booged down and my body is tired! Still not on track yet but getting there!

For Christmas Hubby got me a Bloom'n tea set~ yes, I asked for it he's not that good! it is Way Cool! you put this bud in the pot of hot water and watch it "Bloom" I guess you can then put the "Bloom" in cold water and it will last for a long time! I don't have room for that in my kitchen but it' s a nice idea! the tea was good too boot~ it' s like a show and drinks!

Webkinz

If you have kids I am sure you know all about webkinz~ if not here's the low down. they are stuff animals that cost anywhere from $10 -$15 but they have a code that you can then go online and adopt your pet and then you have a virtual pet that you can feed and buy stuff for. This is where my hubby and I are obsessed! the games they are so fun and now we just found out about tournaments where you can play other people~ well should i say kids wouldn't they love to know they are playing against a 36 old lady! So I would highly recommend you get yourself a webkinz!

www.webkinz.com

NoodleButt

When I was a kid my friend and I use to make NoodleButt~ her granny showed us how to make nooldes from flour and egg then boil it, add butter and there you have NoodleButt. So now that I'm a mommy and my daughter loves noodles and butter I mader her NoodleButt and she loves it too! They look like something that's going to come alive in the pot don't they?

The Ugly Lump has a face!!

One of my internet friends whipped this up!

Did someone call me Ugly???